


Boggarts

by SunshineScorpius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Scorbus, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter Fluff, in which harry is a good father ffs, remus lupin is amazing too, scorpius x albus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 01:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17274866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineScorpius/pseuds/SunshineScorpius
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy’s biggest fear had always been the dark, until he met a certain white-haired wizard so like himself that the dark was nothing compared to the darkness inside him.Albus Potter had always feared flying, until he met a certain silver-and-blue haired witch and flying seemed easier than sleeping.Or, the one where Remus Lupin never died and Harry Potter is the longest running Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher since Voldemort’s defeat.





	Boggarts

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a headcannon that Harry Potter's destiny was being a DADA teacher and honestly it fit so much better for me than an auror. Also, I brought Remus back to life because I miss him and he deserved better. Also, the talk on the Marauders is my own headcannon.
> 
> Post Cursed Child and major spoilers so please read at your own risk.  
> Also, talk of anxiety following a traumatic event so this is your trigger warning.
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies, I've been working on this one for a while now :)

Walking into Defence Against the Dark Arts that morning seemed to be more of an effort for Scorpius than previous days. The weight of his nightmare from the night before swirled disastrously around his brain, red and green lights from magical hexes seemed to be swimming through his eyes and Scorpius would flinch and grab Albus’ hand every time someone made even the slightest of noises. Albus would squeeze his hand in retaliation and present him with a small smile knowing his presence was enough to calm the penetrating thoughts.

Scorpius usually loved DADA, it was the class that probably challenged him the most and made him want to further better himself. With Albus’ dad as the professor, the two seemed to get special attention – not that professor Potter would ever admit that to them or anyone else out loud. Harry Potter was easily the most talented wizard in DADA that Scorpius had ever met. At first, he was – as well as everyone else – overwhelmed by the wizarding worlds hero being a simple DADA teacher who drank way too much tea and wore too many oversized ugly sweaters. Being in this job allowed Harry Potter to ground himself and his students only ever saw him as a hero in their first year or so, after that the chatter would turn to how much homework Professor Potter had given them over break.

“Hey, you still with us?” Albus asked, squeezing Scorpius’ hand and pulling him back to reality. Scorpius looked at him, but his eyes seemed unfocused and foggy, much like they always did after a nightmare and a terrible night’s sleep. Albus had woken in the night to Scorpius tossing and turning, his breathing hitched and slight groans emitting from his lips and so he climbed into bed with him and held him till he felt better. He never asked what the dream was about because Albus knew that Scorpius would tell him when he’s ready.

“Yeah,” Scorpius spoke, unconvincingly. The two boys, hand-in-hand, made their way into the DADA classroom, receiving a small smile from Harry as they did. The tables and chairs had been removed from the classroom, and where Harry’s desk usually sat was a cupboard. Scorpius’ heart dropped, and he attempted to back out of the classroom, only to be dragged back by Albus’ relenting hand.

“Hey, what’s up?” Albus asked, pulling Scorpius close to him and whispering to not gain attention from the students. Around them students were filing in a big huddle in front of the cupboard and Professor Potter, who was joined by an ex-professor and old family friend, Remus Lupin.

“I forgot what today was, I don’t think I can do it, Al,” Albus pulled a face, of course he’d forgotten too. “Boggarts,” and with that one word, Albus seemed to finally understand the source of Scorpius’ fear. Boggarts was usually something learnt in their third year, but Professor Potter decided to push it to their fifth with the knowledge that students would be older and therefore more mature and emotionally stable to deal with being presented with their biggest fear. Before Albus could reply to Scorpius and give him some words of wisdom, their conversation was cut short by his father asking everyone to gather round.

“Okay, so you know we’ve been doing the theory of Boggarts for a couple of lessons now, so I thought it finally time for you guys to actually face one. Now, don’t worry, these things are completely harmless, and you have all been practicing _Riddikulus_ but now’s the time to put all of that knowledge into perspective. Now, to help you out, I have brought in an old friend of my fathers and the very person who taught myself the spell, Remus Lupin.”

A scraggly-haired man stepped forward slightly, waving at the students in front of him. Albus had met Remus plenty of times before now, and in the weeks following his and Scorpius’ adventure with the time-turner, Remus provided some life-changing advice to Albus which not only helped repair the relationship with his dad, but also sparked the beginning of his and Scorpius’ relationship. He wouldn’t be standing here, hand-in-hand with his boyfriend if Remus Lupin hadn’t told him to follow his heart and make sure he never lost the one person he was most scared of losing.

“Good morning fifth years,” he began, his voice gravelly from the early morning. “I won’t bore you with the theory because as Professor Potter was saying he’s already done all of that, but again to remind you that boggarts won’t harm you. Their biggest defence is to transform into your biggest fears, some of you may not even know what that is until today, but you have be strong, be courageous and be confident in your ability. Now please form a line in front of the cupboard so we may begin.”

The whole class erupted into excited chatter, messily forming a line down the DADA classroom, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike sharing their excitement. Scorpius, however, made his way over to the side of the classroom, letting go of Albus’ hand to not hold him back. Albus, however, followed him. Scorpius was looking out the window, fumbling with the sleeves of his jumper that he’d pulled over his hands. He refused to look at Albus when he came up next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Scorpius said suddenly after a short moment of silence. Behind him, the chatter had died down into laughter as student by student began facing their biggest fears and turning it into something that could make them laugh.

“What my boggart would be?” Albus asked. Scorpius nodded. “Since we started learning about them I have. I’ve spoken to my dad a few times about it too. I’ve been thinking about yours too,” Scorpius glanced at Albus before turning back to the window. “You don’t have to do this, Scorp, we could ask my dad to sit out,” at that moment, Scorpius turned back to the classroom, looking over at Harry and Remus laughing along with the students.

It was almost as though Harry could tell they were looking, because he glanced over and almost as if on cue, began walking over to the two boys.

“Your dad won’t let us.”

“Boys,” Harry approach, no doubt catching the end of Scorpius’ words. “You should join the queue,” he gestured to the other side of the room to the huddle of students each waiting patiently for their turn.

“Dad, do you think that Scorpius could maybe sit this one out?” Albus’ dad looked down at the floor, and when he looked back up his eyes were full of sorrow and pain.

“I’m sorry, Al, Scorpius, but how well you do on this is graded and it goes toward your final grade,” Scorpius knew this, of course, which is why he knew Professor Potter would never let them sit it out.

“It’s fine, Albus, let’s go,” Scorpius grabbed Albus’ hand and, without another glance to Harry, began to head to the back of the room.

“Scorpius,” Scorpius stopped at the sound of his professors’ voice and turned to face him, still refusing to meet his eye. “Whatever it is, whatever you’re so scared of, it’s not real. Whatever that boggart turns into is not your fear, just a copy of it.” Scorpius then looked up to finally meet his professors’ eyes, deep green much like Albus’ and full of pain, just like Albus’.

“That’s the thing, professor,” his voice was raw with emotion, and Scorpius was worried they would be able to tell how fast his heart was beating just through his voice. It quivered with anxiety and Scorpius willed himself to stop being so weak. “What if it is real?” A shiver went through Harry Potters’ spine, the words leaving a chill. How can one boy be so terribly broken? Scorpius tugged on Albus’ hand and joined the back of the queue, not making eye contact with anyone. What he said had been true, what Scorpius was about to witness – what everyone was about to witness – could be true, even if it’s not necessarily in this dimension. But Scorpius knew, deep down, the darkness he was truly capable off and that scared him more than anything.

 

___

 

Albus Severus Potter had always feared flying, it was another thing that made him so different to his Quidditch-loving family. Flying had never been easy for him, but the fear had stemmed from somewhere. When Albus was four years old, his father took him on his first broom ride. It had been a sunny day, Lily – only two years old at the time – was running around, trying to catch six-year-old James on his training broom. James had been a natural flyer, just like his father, and Ginny and Harry had no doubt Albus would follow suit.

_“Are you scared, Al?” and Albus shook his head, because he wasn’t scared. He’d spent the first four years of his life watching his mother play professional, watching his dad train with her, watching James fly for the first time and every time since. Harry patted Albus’ hair and picked him up, settling him down in front of him on the broom. He told Albus to hold on tight, and took off slowly, one hand around Albus and the other guiding the broom. It was going so well and Albus was laughing his head off, until James came swooshing by, causing Harry to – only momentarily – lose control of the broom and Albus went flying to the floor. Of course, it wasn’t a long distance, Harry had barely touched off the floor, but Albus landed funny causing him to have his first broken bone – his ankle._

Albus had never touched a broom since that day, apart from in first year flying lessons, when Scorpius had to hold his hand to stop him from shaking so much and whispered words of wisdom. It was enough to get Albus through flying lessons in his first year, and lucky for him he never had to touch a broom again. Yes, Albus hated flying.

If someone had asked Albus what his biggest fear was two years ago, flying would have been his answer. He would never have needed to think about it. But, if someone asked him today, Albus would stumble over an answer. There were so many things he was afraid of now: Delphi Riddle, losing Scorpius, Scorpius being tortured, Scorpius being tortured by Delphi, losing his family, even Voldemort himself. These were all the things that would haunt his dreams at night, cause him to lose valuable sleep and would randomly evoke panic attacks even when everything seemed fine. Albus had a hard time deciding which one would show up in front of him in place of a boggart.

Which is why when he stepped up to the boggart following a Gryffindor student who had turned her fear of rats into puppies with clothes on, Albus’ heart was beating faster than ever. It was only watching his other classmates that he realised all their fears were so typically mundane, and Albus longed for fearing flying the way he once had. Now, flying seemed easier than sleeping, especially because sleeping meant nightmares. Letting go of Scorpius’ hand had not been easy, and he felt a little bit lost without him by his side. Ever since their return from Godric’s Hollow, the two had become even closer than before, it was rare they weren’t by each other’s’ side. Which is why most people guessed they were in a relationship even before they realised their own feelings.

A small nod from his father to the side of him and Professor Lupin’s short, but comforting, pat on the back, Albus felt the fear dissipate from him slightly. Albus drew his wand and turning back to Scorpius for one last look. The taller boy smiled at him, trying his best to comfort Albus even when he felt like his own head might explode, and that was all Albus needed to know he could get through this. If Scorpius could force a smile when feeling so afraid, then Albus could turn a boggart into something funny.

In front of him the boggarts changed from puppies, disappearing into a whirl of black which Albus could swear he could hear calling his name. He focused on his breathing and swallowed the lump in his throat, staring into the black tornado and watched as it formed the shape of a girl, one Albus hadn’t seen since she was escorted from Godric’s Hollow straight to Azkaban. Her face formed a wicked grin, grey eyes staring through him, eyes that looked so much like Scorpius’. At first Albus had found it hard to look Scorpius in the eye after the events of Delphi, but after about a week Albus had seen the difference and realised Scorpius’ eyes bore no resemblance to Delphi’s except the colour. Where Scorpius’ eyes were soft, pitiful, endearing, so incredibly beautiful, almost like every star from his own constellation were in them and they lit up like a Christmas tree, but Delphi’s were dark, scary, unwelcoming. They created nothing but chaos, they had the power to draw you in only to strangle you with their power. No, Scorpius’ eyes were nothing like Delphi’s and it had taken Albus way too long to realise that.

It was the sudden movement of Delphi – no, the boggart – raising her wand that brought Albus back to reality and Albus raised his wand against her. She let out a wicked laugh before finding the words for an unforgivable curse.

“Avada k-.”

“Riddikulus.” Albus interrupted, hoping he had the correct hand movement and sent the spell Delphi’s – no, the boggarts -  way. In a flash he saw her being knocked over, silver-and-blue hair flailing and she fell to the floor, knocked over by a flying broom and causing her to fall flat on her face. The whole class erupted into laughter, because that was what was needed to defeat a boggart, and Albus smiled simply at the irony. The very thing that had once been his biggest fear had come to save him from his new biggest fear. He had performed the spell, he had actually succeeded. The Slytherin Squib no more. He saw his father beaming at him from the side of the classroom.

“Well done, Albus,” Remus said, coming over and giving Albus a congratulatory pat on the back. He muttered out a thank-you and walked over to his father who enveloped Albus into a hug. Being in his class meant that his dad constantly showed how proud he was of him when he performed a spell right, it made Albus’ heart warm.

He turned around to face the crowd again, Scorpius was the last student to face the boggart. Albus looked at him, wanting so badly to wrap him up in a blanket and a warm hug, to protect him from the pain he was surely going to face. He had seen the way the events of their fourth year had eaten Scorpius up, it had affected them both, but Scorpius never spoke of his time in the dark dimension when Voldemort ruled the wizarding world. He knew little bits, like how Scorpius went by the name of ‘The Scorpion King’, and he had told Albus of how Severus Snape saved him by sacrificing himself, Hermione and Ron too, but he never went into details about what he truly saw there. And that was what Scorpius was now so afraid of.

He gave Scorpius a warm, comforting smile in hopes to see the weight lift off his shoulders, but nothing happened. Scorpius was still half-way into an anxiety attack, his hands constantly fidgeting with each other, his bottom lip being notoriously chewed. Albus watched as shaking hands withdrew his wand, and the boggart in front of him turned into someone who looked exactly like Scorpius. No, it _was_ Scorpius. Albus gasped and was pulled closer to his father, who hugged his shoulders while they both looked on in disbelief.

 

___

 

Scorpius had known for a while what his biggest fear would be should he ever have to face it again. But, when that boggart transformed into himself, he still couldn’t shake the shock. It was him in every way that it wasn’t, sure he was the same height, same build, he had the same crooked nose, same pink lips and pale skin, same grey eyes and the same platinum hair, but it wasn’t Scorpius. His clothes were all black, and Scorpius remembered the constricting clothing just by looking at it and suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. His hair was pushed back in a way that Scorpius had stopped wearing his own since coming back from the dark dimension. His eyes were dark and empty, yet Scorpius still felt he was looking directly at himself. Because he was. Because even though The Scorpion King did things that Scorpius Malfoy would never dare, he, Scorpius, still had done them against his own will. He had caved to the darkness of that world, he had become The Scorpion King, and it was something Scorpius would never forgive himself for. He would never forget the darkness that lay dormant inside him, calling to be ignited.

“Whenever you’re ready, Scorpius,” Professors Lupin’s voice cut through the silence of the room. You could hear a pin drop. It was so quiet that Scorpius feared everyone could hear how loud his heart was beating, how heavy his breathing had become because he couldn’t breathe no matter how hard he tried. Scorpius lowered his wand, trying to focus his mind on breathing and keeping himself up. His mind went foggy, he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t even remember the spell they’d been learning for weeks, that had been said by forty-eight different students today alone.

Scorpius placed a hand over his heart, feeling for the beating that was going way too fast and dropping his wand by accident. It was the last clear sound he heard before everything began to muffle over. He could hear his own heart beating in his ears that blocked out a slight murmur of voices now coming from the crowd of students. Scorpius looked up at himself one last time, barely being able to focus his eyes. He saw a blur of white hair and raised wand so like his own being pointed at him.

“Crucio,” The Scorpion King spoke and Scorpius screeched, falling to his knees. The spell, of course, never actually hit him because _he’s not real, Scorpius, it’s a boggart, it’s not real, stop,_ but the pain felt real all the same. He tried and tried and tried to focus, to breathe, to bring himself back to reality but he felt like a thousand knives were piercing his body and his heart and head was about the explode and _goddamit, just breathe._ But, he couldn’t get the air into his lungs.

He felt arms wrap around him and pick him up, leading him away from the crowd but Scorpius couldn’t tell who was carrying him or where they were going. He tried to walk with them, mostly stepping over his own feet and the other boy – it was a boy – doing his best to hold him up. They climbed some stairs and into an office, and Scorpius instantly fell to the floor once the other boy let go of him. The sounds from downstairs now muffled behind a door and Scorpius could focus on breathing once again.

“Scorpius, listen to me, okay, listen to my voice,” it was Albus. Of course it was Albus. Scorpius listened to him, finding his way to his hands to hold him. Albus started reciting a book to him that he found on a bookshelf. They had learnt over the past year how to stop both Albus’ and Scorpius’ panic attacks. Scorpius would play music from Albus’ music box, a particular muggle song he’d grown to love and Albus would begin to relax. As for Scorpius, Albus would read to him whatever book he could find at the time with Scorpius trying to focus on his voice. They did that now, and Scorpius listened, focused on breathing, on calming his heart rate, before he could do nothing but collapse into Albus’ chest and the air finally filling his lungs again.

 

_____

 

In all his years as DADA teacher, Harry Potter had never seen such a scene enfold in front of him. He had seen many, many things like children’s fear of their parents or guardians, their fears of bullies or teachers, of being isolated or alone. But mostly, the fears of the children he taught were mundane enough that they could conquer them. Harry loved his job, but boggarts had always been one of his least favourite subjects, coming up short behind the unforgivable curses for obvious reasons.

His son, Albus, held on to Harry watching the scene unfold. Albus’ fear had been bad enough, seeing Delphi in all her glory once again sent a shiver down Harry’s spine. But the way Albus handled it with such confidence and rigour had made Harry so incredibly proud of him. His son had been through a lot and still continuously struggled with the nightmares and the pain, Harry did his best to help him, but Albus was never really talkative about his emotions and feelings. Scorpius had helped him with that and Harry would be forever grateful.

Harry’s heart wrenched with pain as he watched Scorpius Malfoy – a boy he was always so sure would turn out to be exactly like his father but couldn’t have been further from it – face his biggest fear. His biggest fear turned out to be himself and Harry had felt so much sorrow and pain for the boy, almost as if he was one of his own. He felt fiercely protective of the young, blonde boy his son had found such an interest in. He may have been apprehensive towards Scorpius at first, but over time he’d learnt to love and protect him because that’s what Albus wanted.

The scene seemed to enfold in slow motion, when the boggart had cast the cruciatus curse, a part of Harry genuinely thought it had worked, which would be absurd, of course, but the sound of Scorpius’ screams had frozen both Harry and Albus in place. Remus Lupin, ever the saviour, was only kicked into gear and ran in front of Scorpius and the boggart, casting Riddikulus and sending the boggart back into the cupboard and locking it up. He bent down to Scorpius after, but the young boy didn’t seem to be registering anything that was happening around him. Harry knew why, he was no stranger to panic attacks and dealing with them, especially since Albus had his fair share over the summer break. He didn’t, however, know Scorpius suffered from them too.

Albus was out of his hands and next to Scorpius within moments, talking to him, comforting him. Harry joined them, telling Albus to get Scorpius up to his office and out the crowded, stuffy room. He did as told, holding onto Scorpius as he tripped over his own two feet and half-carried him up to the office. Harry dismissed the class abruptly.

“Never a dull day, aye?” Remus spoke, clasping a hand on Harry shoulders after all the students had evacuated the room. He did his best to laugh, but his energy just wasn’t in it. He pushed his glasses further up his face and looked up to the office, as though he could see what was happening behind the closed doors.

“Especially not with that pair,” this time Harry did laugh. The two boys really were a handful sometimes.

“Well, we better go talk to them, I imagine they need some adult comfort,” Harry nodded and the two began making their way up to the office, flicking his wand so the chairs and tables returned the room back to normal, the cupboard being pushed to one side of the room.

“Actually, Remus, do you think you could talk to Scorpius?” Remus looked at Harry with confusion. They stopped outside the door to finish their conversation. “You were so good with Albus in the summer and maybe Scorpius could use your wisdom, you always were better with words than me.”

“That’s not hard, Harry, you’d fall over your own words if it were possible,” they laughed again, it was true. It was Harry’s word vomit that had caused Albus and Scorpius' adventure last year, something he still regretted with every ounce of his being.

“I just mean that,” he struggled for words again. “I don’t know what that boggart meant to Scorpius, the deeper meaning behind it, but you know what it’s like to be afraid of a part of yourself and you’ve learnt to deal with that. He needs to hear from someone who shares a similar fear to himself.”

“You’re right, I’ll speak to him.” Harry nodded and smiled a thank you before entering his office. The two boys had decided to take refuge on the floor, probably because that was where Scorpius had dropped once Albus let him go. Scorpius’ head rested on Albus’ shoulder, his eyes were closed and his breathing heavy. Albus was reading a book, one that Harry recognised to be off his shelf but if it meant that Scorpius would feel grounded then he didn’t mind. Albus stopped reading when the two professors walked in, and shook Scorpius gently to let him know they were no longer alone.

“Dad, I told you Scorpius should have sat out,” he son went instantly defensive, moving from his position beside Scorpius and standing. Scorpius still sat there, his eyes distant and looking at the floor, he was playing with the sleeves on his jumper.

“I know, and I’m sorry, Scorpius. If I had known it was that bad I would never have put you through that,” Harry moved from Remus side to in front of Scorpius, bending down to be closer to eye level. Though Scorpius never looked up.

“You couldn’t have known, Professor,” his voice was quiet and raw with emotion, and Harry felt ten times guiltier than he did before. “I know the rules, it’s okay if you want to fail me.”

“I won’t be failing you,” at that Scorpius did look up and Harry could see the tiredness in his eyes. Eyes that had seen way too much at such a young age. Harry smiled at him, being slightly shocked when Scorpius smiled a very small smile back. He stood then, going over to Albus and putting his arm around his shoulders. “Let’s leave Scorpius to have a moment, yeah?”

“But dad, he needs me,” Albus objected, looking back over to Scorpius. Harry gave him a stern look and Albus gave in. “Fine,” he mumbled, walking over the Scorpius. He whispered something to him, taking his cheeks in his hands and Scorpius nodded in response. Albus pressed a small, gentle kiss to Scorpius’ nose and it was so intimate that Harry felt that he shouldn’t be watching. The two boys shared a small, knowing look and Albus stood and followed his dad out the room.

“Are you alright, Albus?” Harry asked once the door had closed behind them, leaving Remus and Scorpius alone.

“I am now I know Scorp is,” and Albus smiled at him, pulling his dad in for a hug. Harry held him tight, much like he had done over and over since they returned from Godric’s Hollow. The thought of losing his son again terrified him to the bone and he vowed to protect him and Scorpius ever since.

“I mean are you, what you saw too, how are you dealing with that?” Albus pulled away from Harry, settling himself down on one of the tables that had appeared back in the classroom. Harry himself leaned against his own desk which had been returned, the cupboard with the boggart had been moved to the side of the room. Albus looked at it, trying to imagine what was inside it, what the real form of the boggart was. He liked to imagine it wasn’t anything scary at all because why else would it need to take the form of someone’s biggest fear if it was scary itself?

“I’m fine, dad, really. I expected it to be Delphi, or something along those lines so I was prepared mentally, and we’ve been talking about it a lot leading up to it. I just wish Scorp was as mentally prepared. He had a nightmare last night so wasn’t feeling up to much anyway, I just hope he’s okay.” Albus looked at the floor, feeling both proud he defeated his own boggart and guilty for not helping his best friend in more ways.

“Scorpius will be just fine, he’s a strong boy.”

“But he’s not, dad,” Albus interrupted. “Yes, he is and what he’s been through is incredible-“

“What you’ve both been through,” it was Harry’s turn to interrupt.

“Yeah, but he got off worse, and that along with losing his mum two years ago I just think he’s struggling,” instinctively, Albus looked up to Harry’s office where Scorpius and Remus were hiding behind and couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about. He hoped that Remus had some advice for Scorpius, speaking to Remus for him had really helped and he wanted Remus to have the same effect.

“And that’s exactly why he has you, to support him when he’s struggling.” Harry placed his hand on Albus’ shoulder, squeezing slightly in a comforting manner. “You keep loving him and supporting him and he shall do the same to you, and eventually you’ll both recover with each other’s help, trust me.”

“I’m trying,” Albus grinned up at his father and Harry again pulled him into a hug. He hoped with all his heart that they would both be okay, but Harry knew more than anyone the effects that trauma can have on the brain.

 

____

 

Scorpius still wasn’t feeling one hundred percent, especially now that Albus has left the room with his dad, leaving Scorpius alone with Professor Lupin. He had met Lupin only once before when he guest lectured on Patronus charms at the beginning of the year. The lecture hadn’t been practical, but Scorpius had tried and failed many times following the class to produce a Patronus and so far has been unsuccessful, he deemed it impossible for him like it was for his father. Scorpius focused on his shaking hands, hearing Albus’ voice in the back of his head telling him to find something to ground himself.

Scorpius hated having panic attacks, it makes him feel weak and silly. The only comfort was that Albus suffered too, and it was only each other that could help them. He tried to shake the feeling of the boggart away, but every time he tried he failed. The thing was just down the stairs, and if it accidentally got loose then it could terrorise the school and Scorpius’ worst fear could be hiding just around the corner. He suppressed the thought, Professor Potter would never let that happen, but he still could shake the rising anxiety in his chest. It wrapped around his lungs like a snake, like it was trying to kill him. Scorpius thought that one day it might.

“Just calm down, for Merlin’s sake,” he muttered to himself, mentally punching his brain to stop being so ridiculous. He dug his fingernails into his palms, focusing on the pain to stop the whirlwind of thought. _This is not what Albus meant when he said to ground yourself,_ he thought, but couldn’t stop anyway. He hoped his nails would be sharp enough to break skin, but he knew they wouldn’t be. Scorpius was startled out his own head when a pair of hands reached down and forced his nails away from his palm. Scorpius looked up surprised, only to be met by a pair of green eyes staring intently into his own. Scorpius had actually forgotten that the older professor was still in the room with him.

“Scorpius,” his voice was soft and gentle, unlike what it was like when he was lecturing. Albus had told Scorpius a lot about Remus, of his background, how he lost his wife in the war and had to raise their son, Teddy, alone. Scorpius’ heart ached for the man, he’d seen so much, been through so much and still stood tall. Scorpius was envious, he hadn’t been through half as much as Remus Lupin, but cowered down to a moping mess when presented with a boggart. It was pathetic really. “Do you want to talk about what happened down there? Who was that boggart?” He pressed, giving Scorpius a starting point.

Scorpius knew Remus knew of his and Albus’ time-turning adventure (if you could call it that), but he weren’t sure how much he knew from Scorpius’ side of things, after all he hadn’t really told anyone  - not even Albus – of the trauma he suffered over there.

“It was me,” he started, his voice so brittle he barely came out as words. He coughed to clear his throat, suddenly realising that both he and Remus Lupin were now sat on the floor in Harry Potter’s office. He can’t imagine this was something the professor did a lot during his teaching days. Scorpius had a hard time opening up to the man, after all he didn’t know him, but something about Remus had a comforting aura about him and Scorpius thought that maybe, this time, he could. “Well, a version of me, from the other world. I don’t know what you know about it but just know that it was horrible and dark and really, really scary and everyone was different and I’m rambling a bit so I’ll get to the point.” The whole time Scorpius rambled, Remus never looked at him the way most adults did when he mind ran away with him. Instead he looked on with intent, focusing on every word Scorpius was saying, and actually listening to him.

“That was The Scorpion King, my evil alter-ego of sorts. I get scared that maybe one day I’ll turn into him,” Scorpius paused slightly, his mind trying to take him back to that other world, to being that person. Scorpius had to look at Remus to remind him where he was. Remus was dead in that other world much like Harry… much like Albus. “Albus, is he okay?” He asked quickly, scrambling to his feet before Remus grabbed him and pulled him back down.

“Albus is with his dad and he’s fine, Scorpius, you just saw him.”

“I know, but he saw Delphi, that can’t have been easy and I’ve been selfish and worrying about me that I didn’t even think to ask how he was.”

“Scorpius,” Remus cut off his ramble this time. “Albus did amazing, he defeated the boggart and was so proud of himself. He was honestly just worried about you and so am I.” Scorpius scrunched his nose at that, why would he be worried about Scorpius? He didn’t know him, and yes he was some kind of uncle to Albus – not a real one but a hypothetical one – but that didn’t mean he had to care about Scorpius too.

“Why?” And maybe it was a rude question, but his curiosity got the better of him.

“Because I see so much of myself in you, Scorpius,” this time, Scorpius looked at him. Actually looked at him. He had been avoiding his eye most of the conversation, it was something he did when he was uncomfortable. Scorpius searched the professors’ eyes for answers, and in them found years and years of hidden sorrow and pain. They were tired eyes, ones that had seen way too much, lost way too much and cried too many times. He saw glimpses of what he saw in his fathers’ eyes: the loss of a loved one, the pain of heartbreak. He saw glimpses of what he saw in Harry Potters eyes: the loss of friends dearest to him. He saw glimpses of what he saw in Albus’ eyes: tiredness from lack of sleep because of nightmares that keep you awake at night and Scorpius feared that one day his own eyes would resemble that of Remus Lupins'.

“I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind,” Lupin continued once he realised he had Scorpius’ full undivided attention. “You probably know I’m a werewolf?” Scorpius nodded. “That part of me is my biggest fear. You were too busy dealing with your anxiety to notice that when I jumped in front of you the boggart transformed into a full moon, which is obviously my trigger.” He had jumped in front of Scorpius to protect him from the boggart? He really did not remember that.

“The werewolf part of me is something that I will never be able to be at peace with, even now in my sixties, it haunts me every single night and annoyingly once a month. It’s something I can never escape unless someone magically finds the cure for lycanthropy and even then my experiences will still haunt me. And your experiences will always haunt you too, but it’s possible to live with it and there’s certainly no shame to being scared of it,” Remus rested a hand on Scorpius’ shoulder, much like the way his father would do to attempt comfort, but somehow Remus’ felt warmer.

“But yours is real, a real fear and a real reason to be scared. I’m scared of something that happened in another dimension, a dimension I’m no longer a part of.”

“But that does not mean your fear is not real, Scorpius. Just like me, you’re afraid of a part of yourself. And while that part of you may not exist in this world, you’re scared that you’ll someday become it.”

“Darkness runs in my family, professor,” Scorpius saw Remus shiver slightly, and wondered if it was his words or the slight chill coming from the window that caused it. “I gave in to the darkness of that world and it was easy. Well, not easy, but easier than what it should have been and that scares me. What if I’m capable of that? Of becoming like my ancestors?”

“I remember teaching your father this spell,” at the mention of his father, Scorpius sat up straighter. His father never spoke much about his days at Hogwarts and Scorpius was always up for learning more. “I’ll never forget it. He was being his usual cocky self, a character that most professors were annoyed by, but I understood it was just a façade, but as he approached the boggart and it transformed into Lord Voldemort himself, he retreated into the scared thirteen-year-old he actually was. He was never so smug in my class after that, and I knew many people at the time would have a fear of Voldemort, but everyone also knew the Malfoys’ had a close,” he searched for the right word. “Companionship with him,” his settled on. Scorpius fought the urge to roll his eyes. He knew this, of course, and it made him wish sometimes that he’d never been born a Malfoy. But, he’d never trade his dad for anyone. “It made me realise that behind the big façade was an actual boy and that broke my heart. Your father is not dark, Scorpius, and neither are you. He got involved with the wrong people through no fault of his own, but he bettered himself, right?” Scorpius nodded. “If he can change after what he went through, then you can fight that darkness too.”

“I can fight it, but so many things now keep making me angry. People bullying me and Albus, saying things behind our backs when they think we can’t hear or even to our faces. I didn’t get chosen for the Quidditch team because they thought I’d just bring bad luck because of my heritage. Things like that, before the time-turner incident, never used to affect me, I’d just ignore it, move on. It was always Albus who was the hot-headed one, he fought our battles for both of us. But, recently all I feel is anger, I trip-jinxed a Gryffindor last week for calling Albus a Squib and got detention for a week. Anger was never something I felt before, and now it’s all I feel and it scares the hell out of me because anger can do dark things to a person and I don’t want that to happen to me.”

“It won’t,” Remus said, and he meant it. Scorpius had never heard two words said with such force and rigour. He really meant them. Scorpius was so used to adults talking around words and never been truly honest, but Remus was being honest and that meant a lot to him. “It’s natural to be feeling how you are, you’re under a lot of pressure. It’s O.W.L. year, you’ve just got back from a very traumatic adventure with very real consequences and haven’t given yourself proper time to recover. You know, after the war, everyone who had a personal part to play was given time off work or school to recover from it, and not everyone did. I certainly did not, I lost my wife and had to look after my new-born son all on my own. But, I lost many others as well as her, and it seemed to me like the world was darker after winning than it was before because all the people who meant the most were gone. You, Scorpius Malfoy, just need time to recover, to heal. Sadness often manifests in different forms, and it has chosen anger for you, even though it’s not all the time it’s natural.”

“It doesn’t feel natural,” Scorpius had to fight off the tears threatening to spill over his cheeks. He had cried enough for one day, and crying was so terribly exhausting.

“And it probably never will. But it’s okay. It’s scary being afraid of yourself, or a part of yourself, but it’s also much more common than you think.”

“I don’t want to face that boggart again, professor, I’ll take the fail.” Scorpius said, standing up and walking around the office to stretch his legs and hide the anxiety of failing something. Scorpius had never failed anything in his life, mostly he had always excelled especially at his studies.

“That’ll be up to Professor Potter, but I imagine he’ll go easy on you.” Remus also stood, stretching his limbs.

“Thanks, Professor,” Scorpius smiled a genuine smiled. He turned to walk out the door and froze. He lingered there for a moment, unsure if his next question would be too imposing. Remus seemed to notice his discomfort, and simply leaned on the desk, welcoming anything the young boy wanted to ask. Scorpius dropped his hand from the door and handle and turned to face Remus, his eyes were wandering, until they finally settled on the rug on the floor as though it was the most exquisite thing he’s ever seen.

“Do you,” he stopped, questioning his thought process once again. He started fumbling with the ends of his sleeves, something Remus had picked up on as a nervous habit of his just in this short time of knowing him. “Do you have them?” Remus looked at him, unsure of what exactly the boy meant. “Panic attacks, I mean,” he spoke again after the short silence that fell between them. He still refused to meet Remus’ eyes.

“Of course. I don’t know many people that don’t after the war. It was after a panic attack that I first became friends with James Potter.”

“Albus’ grandfather?” Remus nodded, and Scorpius now gave Remus his full attention, but still lingering by the door.

“It was Christmas eve, me, James, Sirius and Peter were the only Gryffindors to stay behind that year. It was our second year, and even though I’d been bunking with them for over a year, we were never really friends. At the time I liked to keep myself to myself, too afraid that someone would find out I was a werewolf and I’d be excluded from Hogwarts. Anyway, I was sat in the common room reading, the day before had been a full moon so I was struggling to recover. I don’t know what caused the panic attack, but it came on at full force. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, my entire senses had betrayed me. Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder and through the blur of my tears saw a mop of black hair. I knew it was James and scrambled to pull myself together because he’d no doubt tease me about it. Anyway, the more I tried to recover the worse it became. James sat down in front of me, crossed legged, and began to sing. I don’t remember the song now, I weren’t really focusing on it, but it did help me come ‘round. Then James told me his auntie suffered from panic attacks, and the only thing that would calm her down was his uncle singing to her, so he thought he’d try it out. And it worked. Nothing had worked before that. That night, me, James, Sirius and Peter all sat together around the fire and talked about everything and anything, no one imposed on why I had a panic attack, they just wanted me to feel better. I thought once school started again they would stop hanging around, but they didn’t. We quickly became the students that the teachers would have to keep an eye on, but having friends helped and eventually my panic attacks slowed down. I didn’t have them as often, especially after they found out I was a werewolf, and going into our seventh year I hadn’t had one in months. In fact, I never had one again until…” Remus trailed off, becoming consumed by his own thoughts. This time it was Scorpius’ turn for comfort. He quickly made his way across the office, stopping just in front of Remus and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“James?” He questioned, and Remus nodded. He hadn’t had a panic attack until James Potter died and his best friend was sent to Azkaban for the crimes. Scorpius couldn’t even imagine how hard that must have been for him.

“James and Lily died, Harry was sent to his Aunt’s and Uncle’s and I never got to see him till his third year at Hogwarts. Things only darkened from there.”

“But, you got through it. You’re here today because you’re brave and strong, it’s the Gryffindor inside of you. I could never…” This time Scorpius trailed off.

“Don’t you see that you have been brave already, Scorpius?” Scorpius looked to the floor. “What you’re going through now is a side effect of the trauma, and you will get through it. It’ll take a lot of work and there will be times when you feel like nothing is worth the effort, not even a loved one. But then that’s when they will help you and show you that there are so many things worth the effort, and you’ll begin to recover, slowly but surely.”

“Thanks, Professor,” Scorpius said, turning to pick up his robes which Albus had discarded during the attack. He said that it might help him breathe better without the robe tied around his neck. Scorpius rolled the robe up and held it under his arm.

“Scorpius, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’ll be happy to receive and owl and even meet up anytime.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you remind me much of myself. And I suppose I’ll be seeing you much more anyway, if you’re serious about our Albus,” at that Scorpius smiled, a big wide grin and it was a sight that made Remus’ heart warm.

“I am, very serious.”

“Good, now, come on. I imagine they’re waiting for us down there,” Scorpius nodded and the two left Professor Potters’ office and made their way down the stairs. Scorpius was greeted in a body-crippling hug by Albus, as if the two hadn’t seen each other for the entirety of Christmas break, not just barely half an hour ago. But Scorpius didn’t pull away, if anything he held Albus closer.

Remus went over to Harry, a small smile on his lips and a nod letting him know that everything was okay. They watched the two boys as they hugged and pulled away from each other, still holding each other’s hands as though if they let go the whole world would end. Remus remembered feeling like that and longed for his wife whom he’d lost in the war. Harry longed for his own wife and was infinitely grateful that he would hold her that night and vowed to not let her go, for love was something so easily lost and hard to hold on to.

“He is worried about his grade,” Remus spoke, finally breaking the silence between them. Harry sighed because of course he was.

“He needn’t worry. I’m not going to fail him but even if I was, he’s the best in my class, in his entire year, even better than Rose but don’t tell Ron I said that, this one failed grade would barely budge his final outcome.”

“He’s an intelligent boy,” and Harry nodded, because he was. Across from then, Albus and Scorpius were engaged in a small conversation that Harry imagined mostly consisted of checking the other boy was okay. It was something he’d noticed they’d always do. When Scorpius stayed at the Potters’ over the summer, every morning, every night and frequently throughout the day they would ask each other if they were okay and they would always answer honestly in return. It was important they didn’t keep secrets from each other and Harry was grateful they didn’t. He loved both boys and hoped that Scorpius would be in Albus’ life for a long, long time.

“Okay, boys, I’ve written you a note as to why you’re late to History of Magic but I suggest you get going, not that Professor Binns has even noticed you’re not there. It amazes me he still teaches.” The boys laughed and grabbed the note from Harry. Scorpius picked up his bag which had been discarded at the side of the room and made his way over to Harry and Remus, glancing briefly at the cupboard at the side of the room.

“Thank you, again, Professor. What you said meant a lot. And Professor Potter,” he turned to Harry. “I’m sorry for what happened and it’s okay if you want to fail me. I understand.” Harry put his hand on Scorpius’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have put you through that, yet I still did. It was a big mistake on my behalf and you suffered for it. I’m not failing you.” Scorpius eyes lit up, his mouth forming a small gap in surprise.

“Come on,” Albus said beside his, wrapping his fingers in Scorpius’ and giving him a slight tug.

“Thank you,” Scorpius said to both Professors this time. They both nodded in acknowledgement, and Scorpius followed Albus out the room. They made their way to History of Magic hand-in-hand, and for the first time in a while Scorpius didn’t feel the anxiety that usually gnawed away at his heart and stomach. It had dissipated, and even though it probably wouldn’t be for long, he held on to that feeling.

“Are you okay, Scorp?” Albus’ voice was laced with concern as he looked up at his boyfriend. It was the third time he asked him that within the space of ten minutes, but Scorpius didn’t mind. He was just being mindful and loving and Scorpius loved him for that.

“Yeah, I am,” he said, and met his eyes with Albus’. He meant it. He knew it wouldn’t last long, but speaking to Remus, to someone who had experienced about as much trauma as possible for one person, and it made him hopeful. He thought that one day he’ll make it to a ripe old age and he’ll be okay, because even though now his panic attacks made him feel like he was dying, he weren’t. He was very much alive and very much in love with the dork holding his hand and he would try his best to always appreciate that.

“I love you,” Scorpius said, and it was the first time he had said it out loud to Albus. He didn’t mind if he said it back or not, he just needed Albus to know. But, his heart did somersaults when Albus said his next words.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
